This have been down lately, but they’re turning around. Hope is in the air, and love is flying freely. I can’t wait to get better. This is going to be a long hard road, but I have to remember just take one step at a time.
My mom is not good in emotional problems. She is leaving me, and doing whatever she wants to do. I didn’t bring my coat since I was so upset I didn’t think to bring It. I’m cold, starving because I haven’t ate today.
What is that saying? Prepare for the worst. Hope for the best?
Well regardless of the choice;
the worst would be broken hearts, vicious arguments, pointless name calling, and emotional hurt.
The best would be happiness, peace, fewer arguments, and love.
If we continue I only want the best. I want the love, happiness, joy. I want this big black Demon of hate to go away.
If we part, I hope we can do it peacefully and find closer. I will always love you until the day I die and cherish every loving moment we spent. All the milestones we plowed into together. But no matter that hurt, if it will bring peace and happiness upon you, then I will step right up and sign away.
This is going to tear our marriage apart. This makes me so overwhelmingly upset. How could you not see? I’m just pouting like a baby though. I’m telling you how bad it hurts me. I thought today of all days you’d understand. But no. It makes me wonder if you really even give a shit anymore. It makes me feel alone. I know me saying all this is a poor me sob story. Or blowing this out of proportion. But this is my feelings and I’m allowed to feel this way. I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t have to. You should understand my hurt. You should understand it to a full extreme especially how selfish I’ve been in the past you shouldn’t want to put into that same place. I finally realize how bad it hurts. The only thing is your more emotionally strong than I am. I hurt way to easily. But now I’m afraid to cry in front of you. Since every time you either yell at me for being a fucking cry baby or tell me I shouldn’t be crying. It fucking hurts when I feel like I can’t even show my feelings. It’s adding so bad to this overwhelming dark deep hole I’m trying to escape.
Okay. I know this sounds crazy. But I started slim quick yesterday, and I already feel like I’ve lost. Three people today have asked me if I’ve loss weight!! I think it’s because it helps with water weight. That and I haven’t stayed out of the bathroom more than two hours apart today. lol!!
I’m done. Just done. Today has been the worst day I think I’ve had in months. MONTHS. First I get stuck ruins my morning, then i might not get this house. Then I’m screamed at so much by my boss. Told I’m not doing my job and I’m fucking up.
I am battling all this by myself. You want in, but you do nothing. I feel like my childhood all over again. I am broken. I’m depressed. I’m dead. Still no matter how much I cry out for help, I’m still drowning. When I fall in head first and can’t swim up, I hope then maybe I can get the rope. But until then I feel the tide coming. Coming fast.